Profound moments happen at weird times. Like over a bowl of peanut butter cheerios when I am almost to groggy to be focusing on anything other than “move the body”.
I was flipping through Facebook and a conversation in my second brain was taking place that had started somewhere in my dreams. It had to do with forward movement, big changes coming, scary and exciting goals but was still a mutter rather than fully formed. The dreams themselves were full of emotional ups and downs which tell me that I still have emotional release work to do (likefortherestofmyfrigginglife). So, the unconscious was working a bit overtime, physical body was lurching around like Frankenstein and emotions got knocked over the head with a sledgehammer:
And suddenly, I was crying into my peanut butter cheerios.
Brene Brown (for those who are not familiar) has written some incredible, raw, authentic books that are life-changers. She coined the phrase “Shame Resilience Therapy” which is her special area of research. She researched shame and the impact it has on our lives. And since shame really begins in our very early, formative years when someone tells us that we “should be” ashamed of something, these are deeeeeep inroads on our souls. Brene has the gift of bringing those inroads to light and sharing tools to identify, mark for release and expunge shame from our souls. LIBERATION.
I had seen the above meme before and even shared it but it had not swallowed my psyche whole quite like it did this morning.
“Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy.”
The moments from the past year where I began to be brave came rushing to me: my promise to myself to stop keeping family secrets and actually told someone outside of my family that my Mother was an alcoholic; the healing of my failed marriage and release of my assumed shame that I was somehow a “bad wife” for not accepting his toxic views on life and women; and the still half-buried shame that my personal upheavals have been really unfair to my incredible, awesome son. The missteps, the regrets, the paralyzing thoughts.
Perhaps, this morning, I needed to speak some of these things. And profundity can happen over a bowl of peanut butter cheerios. Perhaps, I just needed to speak them here and then not analyze or poke at them for this moment. Just say them. And perhaps, through saying them, I have stepped more into my brave and I can take strength knowing that these things that may be close to the surface or even still buried will not survive.
I love all of Brene’s books but my hands down favorite is “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are“
Articles that relate to this:
Quotes to think on from the book:
“Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it- it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.”
“If we can find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it. Shame loses power when it is spoken. In this way, we need to cultivate our story to let go of shame, and we need to develop shame resilience in order to cultivate our story.”
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
“Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.”
“Cruelty is easy, cheap and rampant.”