My days and especially my mornings have been plagued with paralyzing thoughts lately. I call them paralyzing because past incidents that are painful well up and replay in my head over and over … one hurtful incident leading to another and another and I feel trapped. Morning coffee with a side of every bad decision I every made or decisions that led to painful results. No wonder I don’t want to eat breakfast.
Mornings are usually a contemplative time for me – getting my day organized in my head, thinking about work (which I love) – but lately this negative movie reel has kicked in and thrown me off. My days continue with this grey pall which then leads me to being oversensitive about minute things.
A chain reaction of paralyzing thoughts. It sucks and I refuse to struggle with a clamoring vortex of crap that would like to pull me down the drain of more crap. I could not find a more articulate expression of all the negativity than “crap”, but since that means a pile of waste, it really does work.
Here is the deal I made with my brain – part of the purpose of this blog is as a platform to excavate the crap – a place for my brain to empty and then fill back up with good stuff.
Here is the deal I am making with my soul – we will win. The crap will not paralyze my life, future actions and current and potential relationships. The crap will not define me except as the adversity that I overcame.
Take that crap! I am not paralyzed this morning – I am doing battle with demons that tell lies and I am enlisting the help of Durga – Shakti – All Mother.
The Goddess Durga is a manifestation of Devi, the Mother Goddess who is the unified symbol of all Divine Forces. The Hindu Goddess Durga came to Being when evil forces and demons threathened the existence of the world, humanity and the Gods. To destroy these demons, all gods offered their radiance to Her creation and each formed part of Durga’s body. She was given the trident from Shiva and the chakra from Vishnu. And then, she went into battle and destroyed all of the demons and saved the world.
The name Durga means “invincible” in Sanskrit. Durga IS Shakti.
A Prayer to Durga from Swami Amritageetananda Puri
Chamakam to Durgadevi
Give me the heart to love, my Mother
Give me the grace to smile,
Give me the patience not to hurt another
Even those who my name defile.
Give me the courage to walk with cheer
The slippery path of the good,
Give me the faith to live without fear
And act the way I should.
Give me the determination to rise again
Each time I slip and fall,
Give me the strength to bear the pain
It’s Thy prasad after all!
Give me the will power to fight and trounce
Anger, lust, jealousy and greed,
Give me the wisdom the finite to renounce
And steadily to Thy lotus feet speed.
Give me the knowledge that alone
Frees one from bondage and sin
Give me the light by which can be known
The pure, eternal Self within.
This is a reminder that we are never alone … never. We never have to do battle alone – God/dess is always there in whatever form you choose to call on. God/dess cannot help if we do not ask.